CONTENT

1.Tradition
2.If it's Too Good to Be True
3.Where to Look For a Traditional Woman
4.The Philosophy of Marriage
5.What Kind of Wife Do You Need?
6.Back to the Future (or, Feminism the Soviet Way)
7.Formation of the Russian Character
8.Socialist Russia
9.Perestroika: The Reconstruction
10.The Woman You Are Looking For
11.This Mysterious Russian Soul and Character
12.Russians and Religion
13.Is There Sex in Russia?

Chapter I

Tradition

Many men are captivated by the beauty and intellect of Russian women. You've seen the photos on the Internet and in numerous catalogues of marriage agencies. You've undoubtedly been told more than once that Russia is populated by purely traditional, modest, and undemanding women, ready to marry any foreigner regardless of his appearance, education, or age. And, furthermore, you've surely heard the claim that all of them are ready to do this strictly in the name of love -- not for selfish motives. But it is naive to suppose that Russia is populated only by angels. I deeply value and respect the Russian woman's character. But I must stress that as in any other country, all sorts of women -- classy and classless -- may be found in Russia.

Most likely, if you are looking for a wife in Russia, you are seeking a "traditional wife." This may mean different things to different people; so let's clear the definition of the traditional woman or wife from the very beginning. The main quality that distinguishes her from the modern, emancipated woman is the fact that she places the interests of her family, her husband, and her children as the first priority in her life. She is selfless, and she is ready to dedicate her life to her family, serving in this role with pleasure. Most importantly, she feels absolutely happy and content in making this choice and considers her life to be fulfilled and successful.

Traditional women are able to live independently, but they can't imagine their lives without a family. Happiness for them means being connected to a stable, happy family life and children. They take deep satisfaction in the fact that they are women . They don't want to look or act like men or compete with men in all spheres of life. These women are generally old-fashioned about life and morality. They don't understand and don't accept many of the modern, liberal moral concepts. They maintain very high moral standards for themselves and the members of their families. Such women, regardless of their education, are the moral and spiritual backbone of their families. They are the "keepers of the family fireplace," as they are sometimes called in Russia.

Some time ago, in noble Russian families, the women of high society were extremely well educated and culturally aware. Nevertheless, their families, husbands, and children were their main care and duty. They were creating a unique atmosphere of high European culture in the home and raising their children in the best traditions of high morality and education. Thanks to them, Russia produced many great works in music, literature, and art. These Russian women considered the upbringing of their children to be their highest spiritual mission. Their children were their pride and reward. Therefore, they dedicated their lives to them with enthusiasm.

Naturally, the well-being and happiness of their husbands was also a primary goal for the women of that golden epoch. There are legends about the dedication and the selflessness of traditional Russian women. In 1825, the nobleman's revolt (the "Decembrists") against the totalitarian monarchy was discovered, and several hundred noblemen who participated in that revolt were banished to Siberia, an area infamous for its extremely harsh living conditions. They were deprived of all their privileges and titles, and sent as common criminals, locked in chains and shackles. The wives and children of these men were not banished by the government, but nevertheless chose to sacrifice the high advantages and luxury of their lives in the capital to follow their husbands to Siberia. They lived there in extreme poverty and hardship for many years. Many years after the Czar returned the noblemen's titles and all the privileges to their children born in Siberia, many of them chose to stay, having begun new generations of families.

Chapter II

If it's Too Good to Be True:

For most men, it is better to seek traditional woman in the provinces of Russia rather than in the cities. The problem is that most marriage agencies work in Moscow, St. Petersburg, and the other big cities where fewer traditional women remain every year because of the active invasion of the Western style of life and its major influences.

The fact that women on the Internet and in the catalogues call themselves traditional is often the result of knowing the "right answers" men want to hear. Perhaps many of them don't really know if they want to be traditional wives. Many of them, especially the younger women, have never even given it thought.

These women often define and present themselves the way you, the client, want to see them. Some of them are just sincerely mistaken in defining their priorities. They may think they are prepared to stay at home and be occupied with housekeeping and children. Having never been housewives -- and some never having boiled eggs -- they think that they will learn to do everything after marriage; or even if not, that they will survive without these basic skills in America.

Many of these young women compile their perceptions of America by watching soap operas like "Santa Barbara," which is incredibly popular in Russia. They might suppose that life in America is a continuous holiday -- cocktail parties, homes with servants, and chauffeurs. If your level of life differs from the one they imagine, a lot of serious disappointments in your future family life will be waiting for both of you.

Even more mature women may mistakenly consider themselves ready for the role of a "housewife." Though they are actually excellent cooks and housewives, they've become accustomed to working and having their own money, making their decisions independently. Becoming dependent on a man is generally an unfamiliar and incomprehensible notion to them. Theoretically, the prospect of becoming a traditional housewife may sound rather attractive for tired, hard-working, low-paid women. But in practice, isolation from their social lives and the absence of their own independent means of support may turn out to be stressful for them and for their husbands.

Finding a wife through a catalogue is a very risky matter. No matter how attractive a woman may look in a colorful catalog, don't forget that behind that beautiful photo and attractive description may exist a completely different woman than you think. There are also incidents in which men place ads with a photo of a little-known model with the aim of getting money from unsuspecting suitors. Any of a number of enterprising individuals use the "model photo" to attract their victims. Many women hide their real age, education, the existence of children, and so on. Some of them place 10-year-old photos in these catalogs. Meeting women through ads, catalogs, or the Internet brings the real risk of getting an unpleasant surprise. The deceit or even innocent misunderstanding may be revealed only at the last stage of your acquaintance when you personally come to Russia -- and sometimes only after the marriage vows are already spoken. Of course, this is not the case with all ads, but it is incredibly difficult to sort truth from lies during the normal course of correspondence as it is typically conducted. The differences in language, culture, and traditions make it even more problematic.

Many men prefer to get acquainted with Russian women who know English well. Such a desire is understandable. But the better the knowledge of English a woman has, the more opportunities she has to correspond with and meet foreigners. Such women are typically very active in the international marriage market. They often have a variety of choices and they can be demanding. But, there are only a relatively few traditional women among them. The mentality and values of life of the majority of the women featured on the Internet and in agency catalogs are very similar to those of their Western sisters. You can end up with a selfish gold-digger, the one that speaks English with an accent.

The paradox in which a person with a college education and culture earns much less than a person without a good education still exists in Russia. Doctors and scientists may earn $50 to $60 per month, while a sexy young secretary providing her boss with some additional "services" can earn $1000 to $1500 per month.

Unfortunately, most of the highly educated women with occupational experience can't find jobs in Russia. Age and sex discrimination still abound. Even the Minister of Labor in Russia stated several years ago: "Till I have not one unemployed man, I will not work with a woman." In this set of conditions, women are being employed at good jobs not according to their professional abilities, but by their physical attributes.

Another thing you should pay attention to while looking for a wife via catalogs is the details in the photos. If a woman in the photo is in a rather revealing pose (skimpy bikini or other sexually suggestive attire), then you may be sure that this girl or woman is not traditional. Any decent Russian woman of high moral and traditional character would never pose for such a photo and certainly not for public viewing. I will specifically dedicate one chapter to the theme of sexuality of traditional Russian women. Until then, believe me that you won't find a traditional wife among the beauties in skimpy, revealing bikinis or similar attire and poses.

Chapter III

Where to Look For a Traditional Woman

The best way to start is to locate and contact only local Russian marriage agencies -- not those that work together with Western agencies, but the independent ones. Unfortunately, not many of them have their own e-mail addresses or sites on the Internet, which makes the search more challenging. The marriage agencies of Siberia, north, center, and south Russia are the best places to start. Before picking a local marriage agency, examine the region, taking into consideration your philosophy, lifestyle, and your own cultural interests.

hapter IV

The Philosophy of Marriage

There are at least four kinds of traditional marriages. Each has its own tasks and mission.

There is marriage that is based on the romantic and sexual feelings of the partners. There is a marriage that is based on a stable and secure life and the upbringing of children.

There is a marriage that is based on a relationship between equals: spouses : comrades : partners. Finally, there is a spiritual marriage one that can be created by two exclusively bright personalities, joined by common ideas and spirituality. These are the marriages of missionaries, idealists, philosophers, and people of high or extraordinary intellect.

One of the most common mistakes people make is that they are idealistically expecting everything at once from a marriage -- a secure life, a bright passionate lover, partnership, and high spiritual closeness. Though all of the above factors may be present in any marriage in various proportions, there will always be one of these factors that dominate and serve as the basis of every marriage. All of the other relations are secondary, and sometimes they are not present at all.

Depending on your own family experiences and the surroundings you grew up in, you've likely established images of your ideal marriage. Sometimes this ideal image changes with the years. In youth, people tend to aspire more to a romantic marriage. With the years, spiritual harmony seems to gain more importance. Before starting a search for a fiancee, try to become settled on what kind of a marriage is most attractive and suitable for you. The type of a woman you are seeking and the resulting level of success will heavily depend on it.

Chapter V

What Kind of Wife Do You Need?

The boundaries of your search will significantly widen if you are looking for a wife-partner and don't mind your future wife working at least several hours per week or running a business together with you (of course, without damaging the interests of the family). Many traditional women from the big and middle-sized cities of Russia will be a good choice for you. Besides, they possess enough skills in the crafts and arts in order to combine family life and a small home business or a hobby successfully. Musical, artistic, and dance (ballet) education is well set in Russia. All women having a specialty connected with the arts or music will often be able to find a job in the U.S. (Russian ballet & music instructors are often in very high demand).

Other good professions include computers, medicine, biology, and chemistry. Hairdressers, cosmetologists, and dental assistants are potentially good and practical fields, as well. But, a knowledge of English and a special refresher course in the USA will be necessary in order to obtain a license to continue work in some of these specialties. Tailors and artisans also can easily find excellent additional income. Many Russian women knit, embroider, and weave lace at or near a professional level.

Note that economists, accountants, teachers, secretaries, managers, journalists, lawyers, salespersons, bank workers, and other specialists connected tightly with the Russian language and specific economical conditions are the most difficult occupations to transfer to the United States. The preparation of these specialists in Russia differs from American standards so much that it is often easier or even required required to learn everything from the beginning rather than simple re-orientation. They have great difficulties finding similar jobs bearing any real income.

Your search will be much more complicated if you want your wife to be only a housewife and mother, especially if you live in a rural area or a small provincial town. In this case, you'd better look for a fiancee who is accustomed to a similar style of life. If she lives in a big city, then the life you offer her may only be attractive to her for a very short time. Sooner or later, a city woman will likely start missing the amenities and vibrancy of city life. In this case you will have to take your wife regularly to a nearby city, or she may well become very unhappy and depressed.

The usual illusion of Russians who've never been to America is that the U.S. is made up of big cities like New York and Los Angeles. They can't easily imagine what life in the small towns and rural areas is really like. Therefore, if you live in such a sparsely populated region, then make sure to describe your way of life and the place in which you live from the outset. It will save you and her a great deal of disappointment and many other problems in the future.

As I stated at the outset, one of the greatest pitfalls for American men choosing Russian women is that they think they will easily find and marry a young, beautiful, highly educated and intelligent woman in Russia independent of consideration of their own education, social status, appearance, and age. Almost all of the marriage agencies working with Russia and Eastern Europe assure you of this.

Although Russian women traditionally prefer that the men are older, and usually don't pay as much attention to the man's appearance and social status as their American counterparts, a big difference in age, tastes, lifestyle, and education is always a recipe for conflict. If you are not interested in the arts or classical music, but prefer, for instance, sports and hunting, then it will be difficult for you to share common interests with a wife whose interests include violin, classical art, and music. If you are, let's say, a farmer, then you will hardly be able to create a happy and harmonious family with a woman from a city or a woman who is career-oriented. However attractive and tempting these young beauties might be, try to use common sense and think about the consequences of your decisions. You will both be happier in the end.

Aside from your way of life, tastes, and social status, the main factor in your choice is the compatibility of your characters. If you like a calm, serene life and quiet evenings at home by the TV or fireplace, then it will obviously be much easier for you to live with a woman with the same tastes. If your job or lifestyle involves interacting with many people, and you are socially active, then your future wife must be energetic and enjoy socializing with people as well. You may have heard the cliche, "opposites attract", but I don't believe that extreme opposites are compatible. Some differences in temperament, tastes, and viewpoint may be rather beneficial for marriages. But here, a common base of beliefs, way of life, and goals must exist.

Every marriage is based on the three cornerstones: the personality of the man, the personality of the woman, and the compatibility that connects these two personalities.

I hope you know your personality rather well. Before making this important decision, try to learn the personality of your chosen one even better. Then, realistically and without illusions, analyze what connects the two of you -- how much you actually have in common. The more you have in common, the firmer the base of your marriage will be.

Chapter VI

Back to the Future (or, Feminism the Soviet Way)

Many people compare Russian women with what American women were like in the "good old days." More than once I've heard American men recount that, having visited Russia and having communicated with Russian women, it was as if they had traveled back in time to an earlier part of the century when American women were "traditional" and "feminine." Many believe that feminism has not managed to touch Russia. This couldn't be further from the truth. Feminism actually came to Russia much earlier than to America.

Ideas about emancipation and the liberalization of women were incredibly popular in Russia by the middle of the nineteenth century. Women of Russian society's higher class have always been well-educated, often more enlightened than the men, well-read, and actively observant of events in Europe. Russia is one of the few countries in Europe where the rulers were women, beginning with Princess Olga (962 AD), and Ekaterina -- "Catherine the Great."

Russian feminism began somewhere in the first half of the nineteenth century. Its first activists were the intelligentsia from noble families. But very soon the proletariat mastered the ideas of feminism as well. The women's movement in Russia became very diverse and influential. These women, and the men supporting them, struggled for the equalization of women in both civil affairs and political rights. The First Russian Women's Convention took place in Russia in 1908. It gathered more than 1,000 delegates from various women's groups. At that time, the women's movement in Russia had divided into two groups. One group of moderate feminists defended the idea of equal rights with men. The smaller group of extreme feminists was proposing the idea of women's superiority over men. In comparison with the bygone days of radical Russian feminism, even the liberal ideas of "N.O.W" seem rather mild.

About a decade after these feminist conventions, Soviet power was installed in Russia. As one of its first acts, the Soviet government made great show of ensuring women all of the civil rights and "freedoms" which equalized them with men in the eyes of the law. But, in reality, their purpose was self-serving. The Soviet state needed the energy and the enthusiasm of women to bolster support for the new political system. To accomplish this they needed to move women into the labor pool. So, the government adopted a document proclaiming the "Equal Rights" of women with men. The aim was to increase the number of people in the working class, which was considered its main base of support. Russia was experiencing economic growth and was in great need of physical labor. The traditional family structure, with the man as provider for the family and the woman as homemaker who raises the children, was an obstacle for the realization of the grandiose plans of the Soviet government.

The Soviet state needed the women as workers. The active agitation of the women in the cities and the villages of Russia was undertaken. The so called "Zhen Soviet" (Women's' Union), whose function was to teach the traditional and uneducated rural women that their mission was not in the family, but in the factories, began to appear. They tried to present the traditional family as a form of slavery, and as oppressive chauvinism by men. Under their influence, agitation, and economic pressure, women began learning new professions. Through massive, state-created child care programs, their children were placed in public nurseries and kindergartens, practically from their very birth. Having left their villages, hundreds of thousands of rural girls migrated to the industrial development centers. And there they performed many of the hard jobs that previously were only undertaken by men.

These women mastered such specialties as construction, lathe operations, milling and even locomotive engineering. Others found occupations in foundries, chemical factories, and the printing industry. State propaganda touted these "achievements" as an inspiration to women to be "useful" to their socialistic motherland. And many women sincerely believed this.

The Soviet woman was being brainwashed by a climate of double standards and dual morality. She had been told about her emancipation and equal rights since childhood. The girls really had equality with boys when it came to their access to the education system, and usually, because they showed more zeal, often left school with better marks than their male counterparts. As a whole, the education level of women in Soviet Russia was much higher than that of men. More than 70 percent of Soviet Russian women had a college or a specialized technical education. Soviet propaganda considered it a great achievement of socialism.

However, discrimination against women has always existed in Russia, and did so in Soviet Russia as well. It started on the level of the allocation of work places after graduation. As a rule, women always got the jobs that didn't attract men, and they occupied those jobs in the workplace rejected by men. For the most part, women occupied dead-end jobs that offered little chance for any meaningful advancement. A high level of feminization in a profession often served as an indicator of its low social prestige. Women's professions such as librarian, cultural worker, schoolteacher, doctor, economist, and bookkeeper were extremely low-paying occupations.

In the Soviet economy, opportunities for a woman generally existed only in low-skill, hard, and menial jobs. She covered roads with asphalt, labored on railways, worked on buildings, and performed loading and unloading jobs, just to name a few. About 90 percent of the caretakers and cleaners in the country were older women. For most people raised in the West, it is difficult to imagine how women at brick factories manually laid up to 40 tons of brick during one work shift.

On the one hand, Russian women were called "the weaker sex," and on the other hand, they were assigned duties much harsher than those assigned to men. Ideally, the woman was expected to be a hard worker, fulfill the duties around the house, be responsible for the upbringing of the children, and also to remain attractive.

The men were basically released from the duties involving supporting the home and raising the children. Accordingly, the women had much less free time than the men, but twice as much responsibility. The socialist experiment with the emancipation of women left most of them dissatisfied and disappointed with the positions that had been presented to them by the Soviet ideal. Instead of "house slavery," it gave them "double slavery" in the workplace and in the family, and it destroyed the institution of the traditional family.

These factors resulted in the firm hostility of most Russian women to the words "emancipation" and "feminism," which are now associated in their minds not with freedom, but with the exploitation of cheap labor in the workplace and in the family. Traditional Russian women are traditional not by force and necessity at all, but by their sincere beliefs and their own free choice.

One of the paradoxes of the character of Russian women is that most of them are traditional contrary to how they were brought up and what they were officially called to do during their lives. In the times of socialism, girls were actively being brainwashed with the idea that to be "only" a mother and a housewife was a symptom of inferiority. The "woman-worker," but not the "woman-mother," was praised in the Soviet Union. Even the sexless form of address between the citizens of the USSR, "comrade," formally erased the difference between a man and a woman.

I remember the lessons of Russian literature taught in my high school. According to Soviet ideology, the wonderful traditional Russian women's characters found in the classics of Russian literature of past centuries were being ideologically assailed. The image of Natasha Rostova from the well-known novel, War and Peace , became a synonym for petty bourgeois and "intellectually challenged" women. After some romantic misadventures, she found complete happiness and peace in her marriage and devoted herself to her children and husband. On the other hand, the images of the other women -- rioters, fighters -- the "comrades" who sacrificed their children and personal happiness for the sake of the "the interests of the society" -- were being praised in Soviet schools.

Soviet girls were encouraged to dream about working and scientific achievements, but not about their families. According to Soviet ideology, marriage is the initial cell of socialistic society, and a voluntary union of two equal partners. . Of course, love was sometimes mentioned, but very casually and briefly. Even in the rare "bedroom episodes" that appeared in Soviet films of those years, spouses were featured platonically, lying in a bed and talking about politics or job-related matters.

A traditional family, where the woman is a wife and a mother and the husband is the breadwinner, was called bourgeois, or "a vestige of the past." As the family was proclaimed a "cell" or a component of society, then of course such kinds of "bourgeois" families were a threat to Soviet ideology.

During its many decades of domination in Russia, Soviet socialism tried to destroy the "traditionalism" or "bourgeoisie" of the human psychology and create a completely new type of a human -- a kind of human-robot. Russians humorously referred to this as "Homo-Soveticus." The traditional woman, who, as we've already discussed, is the basis of the "old-fashioned" morality and spirituality in the family, was hindering those ill-conceived plans. Therefore, she was exposed to attacks from the proponents of socialist ideology.

The traditional Russian woman's character turned out to be much stronger than socialistic propaganda. It survived the assaults, although it had been herded into the cellar.

By the end of the 1970s and the beginning of the 1980s, an accurate picture of life in the West started seeping in, causing Russian women to think about their own destiny and traditional values. The image of the typical "bourgeois" family with a husband (breadwinner), a wife (homemaker), and three children became incredibly attractive for the tired, forcibly "emancipated" Soviet woman. At the same moment, under the effect of the sexual revolution, feminists, homosexuals and other radical influences, the Western family experienced a serious crisis. The West suffered from a lack of traditional women and values. Both West and East looked at each other with hope:

But, it took almost ten years until all of the borders into and out of Russia were finally opened. The best kept secret of the Cold War had ended, and the world was exposed again to something wonderful -- the traditional Russian woman.

Unfortunately, under the influence of Western culture, the youth in the larger cities of Russia, much like the young people of any country, started deviating from traditional moral values. In addition, the second wave of feminism has begun appear in the large cities of Russia among the 30- to 40-year-old educated, professional women. The first group of Russian feminists of the second wave appeared in Russia at the very end of the 1970s under the influence of the dissident movement. Their aim was to oppose the ideas of "Soviet feminism." Their orientation to the spiritual-religious values distinguished them from the Western feminists, as well.

Only ten years ago at the height of "the reconstruction" and the democratization of the country, the various women's movements started returning to traditional life in Russia. Although there are small groups of feminists of "the Western kind" and "feminist-lesbians" amongst them, the overwhelming majority of Russian feminists occupy a rather moderate position, the idea of which is the destruction of gender discrimination, but not the irreconcilable struggle with a man as a phenomenon. The Russian feminists say that they want equality with, but not the advantage over, men. Their aim is not to take away men's rights, but to establish their own rights. "Mutual respect and partnership of the sexes" is their slogan.

Chapter VII

Formation of the Russian Character

The Russian character is a very complex aggregate. It is tied indelibly to the turbulent, violent, and passionate history of the Russian people. To understand how it has been formed over the centuries and why there are so many contradictions and paradoxes, let me take you on an excursion into the history of Russia. The interpretation of this history is still a topic of dispute, and there is no widely accepted consensus of opinion. I'll take a bold step and share with you a historical concept that seems the most rational.

More than a thousand years ago, the richest and largest territory of the European part of modern Russia was populated with feuding Slavic tribes. They possessed neither formal laws nor government, and lived in near anarchy. Eventually tiring of the disorder, the Slavs asked the more civilized people living next to them for help.

It is likely that they went to the territory of what is now modern Sweden. The request of the Slavs was unusual. They asked their northern neighbors to give them wise rulers who would establish laws and rule the Slavic tribes. Three brothers -- Scandinavians -- responded to the request of the Slavs. One of them, Rurick, became the first prince of Russia. (Incidentally, the word "Russians" came from the name of a family of one of these Scandinavian princes. The difference between the "Russians" and the "Slavs" has been well traced in ancient chronicles.) Rurick was based in the city of Novgorod, which soon became the first capital of a nascent Russian state. Rurick gave rise to the most celebrated Russian royal family, who would rule Russia for 700 years.

From the very first days of the formation of the Russian state, two different cultures have existed: the "Russian" or European culture of rulers, princes, and their comrades in arms, and the "Slavic" culture of the native population. Over time, both of these cultures have interacted with and affected each other, but the fundamental differences between them have never disappeared completely.

The dynasty of the Rurickoviches, the descendants of Prince Rurick, had always been cosmopolitan in its culture. As a rule, the princes married European women and considered it dishonorable to become related to any Slavic family. This rule was broken on occasion, but that was rare. The highest Russian class, in the veins of which there was only a minor mixture of Slavic blood, came from the dynasty of Rurickoviches. The ancient Russian princes were the transmitters of European culture. They united the alienated and feuding tribes of the Slavs under their power and built a powerful state.

The whole population of Russia was baptized by Prince Vladimir's decree in 988. The country officially moved from a life of paganism into a life of Christianity.

But the Slavs, pagans by nature and history, remained so for centuries. The vestiges of this pagan culture have remained in Russia even until the present time. The Slavic population of Russia followed their customs for many centuries, even while under the rule of foreign princes. The family or "clan" was the base of Slavic society. Family life brought about the practice of common, indivisible property. This communal possession of family property led in time to a change in the meaning of "father" -- the head of the family, and after his death, another man chosen to take his place.

As only men had real power in the family, the value of men to Slavs was incomparably higher than that of women. Slavic women often voluntarily took their own lives upon the death of their husbands, and were cremated alongside them. A living widow was a disgrace to her family. It is the opinion of some that the Slavs established this barbaric custom in order to prevent the murders of husbands by their wives. The Slavs often bought their women, and treated them as chattel. They allowed them neither to contradict men nor to complain; they burdened them with work and with maintaining the house; and they envisioned that the wife who died with her husband must serve him in the next world, as well.

Devoid of any civil rights, Slavic women sometimes went to war together with their fathers and spouses. Thus, the Greeks found many women's corpses among the dead Slavs during the siege of Constantinople in 626. Mothers, while bringing up their children, prepared them to be warriors and irreconcilable enemies of those people who insulted her relatives, because the Slavs would never forgive an offense.

On the other hand, the attitude of the women in Russia, especially in the princes' families, was far different. These women had significant rights, and although they did not enjoy equality with the men, they were not their slaves, either. Thus, according to the chronicles, Princess Olga, the wife of slain Prince Igor, took over for him as leader of Russia in 945. She was at the helm of state until her death in 972. The period of her rule was a favorable time. Olga has been remembered in Russian history as a wise and diligent ruler, a skillful diplomat who signed profitable treaties with neighbor-countries, and the first Christian in the House of Rurick.

The princesses had their own property and they handled it as they desired. They were respected and loved within their families and amongst the people. Prince Vladimir consulted with his wife Anna about church affairs and regulations. Other princes discussed political matters with their wives, and they give their daughters the right to choose their husbands.

The acceptance of Christianity by the princes helped women advance in high Russian society. We read in sagas that Prince Vladimir's wife had numerous military units under her direct command, separate from those of the prince. The prince himself and his wife were competing over who would have the fiercest warriors. If a courageous wanderer appeared, each of them tried to win him over to their military retinue. The princesses ruled their own administrative districts, supporting their individual military retinues, and argued with their husbands over who would find and retain the most courageous men.

Women's influence in the princes' families became so significant that even the famous Prince Monomach gave these instructions to his children: "Love your wives, but don't give them power over yourself." Russian princes taught their sons to respect their mothers as well as their fathers. Prince Donskoy ordered his children: "Live together and listen to your mother in everything. And which son won't listen to his mother won't receive my blessing."

Culture and education were highly respected in the princes' families. Many Russian princes knew several foreign languages, were well-read, and composed philosophical, moral, and Christian manuscripts masterfully and poetically. From what we can tell, their wives and daughters didn't fall behind in their love for knowledge and culture.

Of course, not all princes were the same. History records the names of Russian princes who were perfidious, uneducated, cruel, and dishonest. But as a whole, morality and a love of knowledge and culture were remarkably strong in the family of the Rurickoviches.

This sense of morality was especially well developed in Russia after the acceptance of Christianity. Judging by the comments of contemporary foreigners, the Slavs made favorable impressions on them with their morality ; the simplicity of Slav customs was a refreshing change from the spoiled ways of the educated and moderately educated people of those times. The Slavs treated their elderly people with respect and cared about their children. The relationships between relatives were warm and loving. The hospitality of the Slavs and their affection for foreigners and strangers was especially noted. The care for strangers was a holy duty of the Slavs. The hearth of every house was considered the residence of the domestic deity. Slavs were probably the only people who had a pagan god of hospitality. The love of a guest or wanderer lies so deep in Russian genes that traveling foreigners are still surprised today at the hospitality with which they are met in Russia.

The basic social classes within Russia formed in the 11th and 12th centuries. At the top of society were the Russian princes. Next to them stood the rich Slavs, who formed the class of the aristocracy -- Boyars -- who nevertheless were lower in rank than the princes. (The princes and the Boyars squabbled incessantly throughout Russian history. The difference in their origins and cultures forever separated these two aristocratic stratums from each other.) A bit later a lower class of the military-serving noblemen appeared. Below them came the free peasants, who lived in self-managed communities.

Though all of the Russian princes were members of the family of the Rurickoviches, they still fought amongst each other. By the end of the 13th century the rivalry between them had reached its apogee. The Russian state was divided into numerous principalities, competing and feuding with each other. The internal weakness caused by so much infighting led Russia's neighbors to successfully assault her as well. The subsequent division and dismemberment of Russia became a great national tragedy, and their subjugation under the Tatar-Mongolian yoke lasted almost 250 years.

The huge army of the Tatars, headed by Batiy, the grandson of Genghis-Khan, pillaged and plundered the northeast, south, and southwestern Russian territories during the thirteenth century. A great number of the villages and the cities including Vladimir, Suzdal, Ryasan, Kiev, Moscow, and many others were burned, and their populations, from the elderly to infants, were either murdered or taken prisoner. The northeast territories were subjugated to the power of the "Golden Horde," established by Batiy.

At the same time German and Danish crusaders began their onslaught against Russian lands after having conquered Livonia and Estlandia (modern Latvia and Estonia), and the Swedish army joined them. These attacks effectively cut Russia off from the Baltic Sea. At the same time, the territories of modern Ukraine and Byelorussia were conquered by Latvia and Poland.

Surrounded on all sides by powerful and hostile nations, divided into a number of mutually feuding small principalities, and subjugated to the power of the Golden Horde, the northeast territories found themselves in a critical situation by the first half of the fourteen century. Only through the rebirth of the united state could Russia hope to hold on to its remaining territory. The Russian Orthodox Church called the people to take up arms and fight against Islam to the east and Catholicism to the west.

By the end of the 14th century, Moscow-based princes won the fight for political primacy in the northeast territories. They turned the Moscow principality into the strongest and richest amongst those territories and brought the other Russian princes under its influence. Finally, in 1480, the Hordian yoke was thrown off and a powerful Russian state was established.

A new page of Russian history began. The Moscow Prince Ivan III married Byzantine princess Sofia Paleolog. The Byzantine coat of arms -- the two-headed eagle -- became the coat of arms of Ivan III and all of the Russian state. This symbolized the succession of power from the dead Byzantine Empire to a young and powerful Russian state.

But the devastation of Russia during the Tatar-Mongolian invasion, the exhaustion of the material and people's resources during the Hordian yoke, and the 250-year isolation from the countries of Western Europe had taken their toll. Economic, cultural, and moral development within Russia had slowed or even declined.

In the 12th century, one of Russia's most respected princes, Vladimir Monomakh, known for his morality and strong Christian faith, had cancelled the death penalty and replaced it with a system of fines. He had said, "Don't kill either innocent or guilty, as human life is holy to God." But by the end of the 14th century, the first public execution was carried out in Moscow. The chronicle reported at the time that "there were many people and many were crying." But that was to change.

In fact, little time would pass before executions would become so commonplace that it would be difficult to find a single sympathetic person in a crowd of idle onlookers at such barbarous events. The Russian people became desensitized to violence. The acute cruelty, the deprecation of human life, and the violence toward the weak and small introduced into the Russian principalities by the wild, nomadic Tatars spread as a plague amongst all the classes of Russia.

In the 16th century, the Orthodox priest Silvestr wrote his famous collection of rules called "Domostroy" ("Homebuilder") -- how to manage the house and the people living in it. It quickly became an extremely popular table book found in the homes of many people of the Moscow kingdom . In it, he "corrected" people by the use of cruel punishments.

The "Homebuilder" was especially vicious to children. It commanded the parents to never to have fun with their children, to always be strict with them, never to play, and to beat them for any misdeed. Though many of Silvestr's ideas were based on apostolic words about relations in a family, he never included any apostolic with the words "Love each other" in it. The book also discussed in great detail the duties of the wives to their husbands and the necessity to obey one's husband in all matters. The chapter on "How to Teach a Woman" is dedicated to the daily duties of the woman in the home, which included everything from cooking to cleaning and looking after domestic animals. In the author's opinion, the wife must always be busy and should never speak about anything but her duties.

This book was written for men. This edification reaffirmed the unlimited power of a man and mastery over women and children in Russian society. He was proclaimed the owner, the will, and the mind of his wife, children, and servants. They were obliged to serve him unquestioningly or suffer severe consequences. They had no rights and no property. The physical punishment of servants, children, and wives was considered the obligatory virtue of a real father in the family. There is even a threat at the end of the book: "If you do not fulfill everything that is written here, you will suffer on Judgment Day."

With this mindset as a basis, it is not surprising then that slavery-serfdom was officially declared and ratified in Russia in 1649. Serf-servants were considered the full property of their masters and were treated as "speaking" tools. Moreover, around the same time, persecution against freedom of thought began. Any independent opinion was called destructive pride. The blind subordination to power was being successfully implemented in Russia. Devoid of freedom and often humiliated, people took out their anger on the weaker and unprotected ones. At the lowest tier of subordinates were the wives and children of the common men, and they bore the brunt of this abuse.

The 16th century marked not only a new social acceptance of barbarism and cruelty, but a political acceptance as well. The Russian state turned into a totalitarian model of the Tatar-Mongolian political system. Tsar Ivan IV, called "Ivan the Terrible" (1533-1584), was the product of this cruel century. Obsessed by a persecution complex and insanity, Ivan The Terrible murdered and executed people with his own hands for offenses as small as a minor suspicion of infidelity. He invented "Oprichnina," the KGB-style military organization made up of people who were close to him and who were given unlimited power in the state in return for their dedication to the Tsar.

Many young Boyars and noblemen who were cruelly abused at homes under the rules of "Domostroy" enrolled into Oprichnina, which gave them an opportunity to unleash their unsatisfied hate and anger. The blood lust of the Tsar and his Oprichnina plunged the country into horror. The fact that such a man could rise to power was an indicator of the moral degradation suffered by the Russian people. If a prince such as Ivan The Terrible had appeared before the times of the Tatar-Mongolian yoke, he would have been shunned. But the Tatar yoke had broken the spirit of the Russian people.

Also, in a very unfortunate twisting of events, Tsar's supposedly holy right to the throne, validated by the Orthodox Church, made the people feel powerless to resist the crimes of Oprichnina. Most of the countries thus sat on its knees as a handful of people were allowed to rob, kill, and torment with impunity. The Orthodox Church had convinced people of the virtue of patience and suffering. Over the centuries, this unlimited patience and acceptance became one of the main features of the Russian character.

It seems that the sins of Ivan the Terrible were so horrible that the once kind and glorious family of the Rurickoviches, holding power in Russia for nearly 700 years, ended with him. All the sons of Ivan the Terrible died except the weak and mentally retarded Prince Feodor, from whom the Tsar power passed into the hands of an outsider, Boris Godunov. Thus began the "Time of Great Strife," as historians call it. The country was plunged into civil war for years.

Finally, in 1613 first Tsar from the Boyar family of the Romanovs, Mikhail, ascended to the Russian throne. A time of relative peace, stability, spirituality, and morality came to Russia. Curiously, this new age was ushered in with another act of wanton barbarism. It's not widely known that the first Romanov marked the beginning of his rule with a cruel public execution of the 4-year-old, Ivan, son of Tsar Pseudodmitriy I, a usurper. The boy was officially considered a legal heir of the Russian crown, so Mikhail dispensed with him. Legend says that after the execution of the son, the boy's mother, Maria Mnishek, damned the Romano family. Soon afterwards, she died in a jail because of melancholy over her son's death.

Many historians note that something fatal seemed to be hanging over the new Tsar dynasty. The princes of the Romanov family were born weak, lived short lives, and were often wretched people.

As a rule, the Romanovs were quiet and religious, both in their daily lives and private lives, but their rule became more thoughtless and cruel. The name of the Tsar was equated with the name of God, and the life of his subordinates was greatly diminished in value. According to the accounts of the contemporaries of that time, life for the Russian people was like life in a "stagnant, stinking swamp."

On the 30th of May, 1672, the young wife of Tsar Alexei Michailovich gave birth to a boy named Peter. He was destined to totally change the direction and history of Russia. The personality of Peter I was so bright and extraordinary that it is impossible to characterize him in just a couple of words. He was certainly a man of opposites, and his reign still confounds historians and philosophers today. Some call him a genius that brought Russia incredible prosperity, and others call him a villain who forcibly directed Russia into the unknown course of West European development.

But however contradictory those characteristics were, one thing is certain: due to the rule of Peter I, Russia rose from its stagnation and turned into one of the most powerful and richest countries of Europe in a remarkably short time. The great rebirth of Russia had begun. Peter I began and successfully finished the first reconstruction of the country, decisively destroying the old systems and the traditions of the Boyars in Russia.

Interestingly, among the people the Tsar was called "Antichrist." The majority of the populace didn't like so many innovations being so quickly and unceremoniously instituted into the country. It seemed that Peter hated all the patriarchs and "Boyars" and loved European culture far more than his own. "So that everything here must be as everywhere," was his slogan.

Unfortunately, together with European progress and education, the Tsar brought evil and depravity from the West into 18th-century Russia. In comparison with Europe, Russia had been a chaste country, although a wild one. Peter had once admitted, "I deal not with the people but with the animals which I want to turn into people". He forcibly taught those who surrounded him to smoke tobacco, which had been unknown in Russia until then. He regularly made young noblemen and their wives drunk during the court balls. He also showed a double standard to religion. He personally was a religious man, but he violated all conceivable limits in politics and delighted himself with cruel amusements.

It's true that Peter the Great reformed many aspects of Russian life. The unique culture of the higher class of noblemen started taking shape in Russia beginning in Peter's time. The culture absorbed all the best that had been created in Europe and enriched its works of literature, art, and music enormously. Before Peter's times, many noblemen, especially the provincial ones, had been uneducated and sometimes even illiterate. But in the period of Peter's rule, the young sons of the noblemen were forcibly sent to study in Europe. Sometimes, even talented "common people" were enrolled in universities together with those on which the Tsar would later bestow noblemen's titles for achievements in the sciences. Education and culture became synonyms of nobility. The role of education had begun to play a significant role. The Academy of Science was created. St. Petersburg was planned and founded by Peter in 1703, and within a decade had become the capital of Russia and its powerful cultural center.

Politically, the 18th century in Russia could be labeled "The Women's Century." Soon after Peter's death, the Russian throne passed to his widow, Ekaterina I; then to his niece, Anna Ioanovna; and finally to his daughter, Elizaveta Petrovna. His grandson, Peter III, ruled briefly from 1761-1762, but was overthrown in the palace revolution organized by his wife Ekaterina because he was far too fond of the neighboring Prussians for Russian tastes. Thus, Ekaterina II, "Catherine the Great," became the Empress of all Russia.

Having received a wonderful home education, and having a brilliant mind, Ekaterina set out on a mission to win the love of all Russians. She supported the teaching of the Russian language, culture, and history, but was very worldly, much like Peter the Great. Her intelligence, respect for traditions, and a sincere love of Russia favorably distinguished her from her spouse in the eyes of all of the Russian high society.

Ekaterina was notable for her extraordinary mind and knowledge of people. She ably picked helpers and consultants, not being afraid to surround herself with bright and talented people. The period of her rule was the real "golden age" in the history of Russia with respect to science, culture, and education. She continued the reforms of Peter the Great, whom she had greatly admired. She opened the first schools for the women, Smolniy Institute and the Ekaterina's School. A whole generation of outstanding Russian political activists, scientists, musicians, writers, and artists appeared during her reign. Because of her, a unique culture bloomed in the next century and enriched the world's literature, art and music.

Ekaterina had a special admiration for French philosophers and, accordingly, for French culture and literature. And indeed, after a while, this admiration had a pervasive effect on Russian culture. French fashion and customs penetrated into more and more circles of Russian society. For decades, Russians immersed themselves in French language and culture, so much so that many of them could hardly speak properly in Russian. It was considered almost indecent to speak Russian in society, and French, English, and German tutors brought up the children of noblemen from birth. The typical home education for both boys and girls of noble families included a knowledge of several foreign languages, world literature, philosophy, history, art, music and sports. The century of education swept even into the most distant provincial Russian towns. Although there were still uneducated people among the landowners living far from the capital, a whole epoch of ignorance had come to an end in Russia.

Western culture was conquering more and more space in the vast territory of Russia. But it was not shared with the common people. There were still very sharp class distinctions. The idea was that it was dangerous to present peasants with freedom and education because of their spiritual wildness and ignorance. One of the main tasks of that time was to create generous, cultured, and fair landowners in society that would be responsible for the well-being of his peasants. Russian society polarized radically, with the rich and well-educated nobility on one side, and the completely destitute, illiterate, enslaved peasantry on the other side.

With time, the Russian ruling elite turned into spiritual strangers in their own country, not understanding and indeed despising all things Russian. Meanwhile, many noblemen and commoners alike were rediscovering their pride in their country and culture.

The destruction of Napoleon in 1812 brought Russia not only military glory but also high prestige on the international stage. The war with once-adored France reduced the passion of the Russian nobility for the French and gave a lift to patriotic feelings toward all Russian-Slavic things. In the highest St. Petersburg salons, women were now trying to have fashionable conversations in Russian for the first time in decades. The interest in native history and culture was alive.

Simultaneously, the dissatisfaction with the totalitarianism of the Tsar and the humiliatingly powerless position of the peasants, who had shown heroism and selflessness in defense of their Motherland during the war with Napoleon, started growing among the Russian nobility. The peasants as well began making demands of their own. Peasant riots appeared in various areas around Russia. Free thought was becoming widespread in Russia. Noblemen and peasants alike aspired to bring the ideas of liberalism into the Russian consciousness.

The secret societies of the "Decembrists," visionaries wanting to transform Russian into a semblance of the young United States, consisted of the best minds of noble Russia, and were growing stronger and spreading all over Russia after the National war of 1812. Finally, on the 14th of December, 1825, they revolted. But it came to naught, and five instigators were hanged in the public square of Petersburg; all the rest were deprived of the noblemen's titles and banished to Siberia.

Fearful of the new revolutionaries and the ideals spurring them on, the Russian autocracy started a complete offensive on free thought and liberalism. Free speech, and even free thought, was absolutely prohibited. The secret chancellery kept close watch on all of the "politically unreliable" citizens of Russia, and a powerful police structure was created to enforce the suppression. Strong censorship was strictly enforced in the country. Magazines of liberal thought and ideology were closed down. The bureaucracy that kept the machinery of censorship and oppression alive snowballed, and reached its pinnacle during the 19th century. It was practically impossible to do anything quickly and efficiently without the use of bribery. Bribery and procrastination became a standard way of life.

It is easy to manipulate poorly educated people. It's much more difficult to control those with developed minds. In the 19th century, the level of education among the nobility and free people was much higher than among their European counterparts. Their thirst for knowledge and love of the printed word distinguished the Russians of almost all the classes. Even with oppression from above, Russians knew and remembered what life had been. The boys (and very often the girls) from good Russian families had a deep knowledge of philosophy, history, literature and languages by the age of 14 or 15. Though teenagers in modern terms, they generally possessed an adult's maturity of mind and opinion. They heard the stories about the "good old times" in Russia, when it had been easy to live and breathe. Their fathers and grandfathers compared those times with present-day life in Russia, and they felt cheated out of their rightful share.

The young generation of Russians began seeking a solution to the problem. The writers and philosophers during those years created works full of an inner search for truth and a better way of life. Their souls were toiling and suffering in search of something inexplicable. And their efforts reached the Tsar's ears.

In 1861, Russia abolished slavery and the peasants were freed from the landowners. Ruling at that time, Alexander II stated: "Sooner or later we must come to it; it is much better for it to happen from above than from below." The reforms of the 1860s and 1870s caused huge changes in the country. They allowed Russia to emerge from her protracted crisis and sped development in social, economic, and political spheres.

But the reforms stopped short of changing the structure of power, and they didn't satisfy the public. A revolution had been put off, but not averted. The Russian monarch was still wielding his power without any restrictions, listening only to the opinions of those closest to him. Whatever their individual personal characteristics -- Alexander II, Alexander III, and Nicolai II -- it seemed that the whole of the Russian society hated them. The people of all classes and levels of education understood that absolutism in Russia had outlived itself, and only the Romanovs themselves refused to see the fact.

After a series of terrorist acts and political murders came the so-called "first Russian revolution of 1905."

Alarmed by increased activity of the revolutionary movement in the country, the Emperor Nicolai II signed a manifesto about civil freedoms and about the creation of the Duma (parliament), restricting his absolute power. But it was too little, too late. These half-hearted measures failed to snuff out the revolution. Another series of political blunders and Russia's entrance into World War I poured new strength into the revolutionary movement.

Chapter VIII

Socialist Russia

The "Great October Revolution" in Russia began on the 7th of November 1917, and the country was proclaimed "socialist." Only a small part of the Russian population viewed the revolution with any negativity or resistance.

The beast of communism hadn't shown its fangs yet, and actually looked rather attractive to most people. Most Russians embraced the changes in the country with joy and enthusiasm. The uneducated population of Russia was glad to gain all the privileges and perspectives that the revolution brought to them. They felt sweet revenge watching the humiliation of the rich and noble families that treated them as "things" in the past.

The "Conductors of the Revolution" -- the Bolshevik's leaders-- were probably the only ones who clearly understood the ongoing events and were positioned to achieve their own self-centered goals in the revolution. All the same, it is true that there were also romanticists and idealists among them who firmly believed in the ideals of socialism and of heaven on the earth.

The Tsar and his family, the Romanovs, were arrested and banished to Ekaterinburg in 1918. Soon afterwards, they were executed by order of the revolutionary government of Russia. Prince Alexei was only 13 when he was murdered. The Dynasty of the Romanovs was finished in the same matter that it had begun -- with the execution of an innocent child. The "Curse of Marina Mnishek" had come true.

But the execution of the Tsar and his family didn't make a great impression in Russia at that time. It seemed that the hate for the royal family was stronger than the pity anyone felt for them. Everybody remembered their high-handedness, their fanatical dependence on Grigoriy Rasputin, the stupidity of Nicolai II, and his absolute indifference to the fate of Russia and the Russian people.

Many people hated not Nicolai II, but his wife, Alexandra, who was a fanatical German. When historians and writers try to show the family of the last Russian emperors as saints, they should be reminded that it took a great amount of extreme abuse to finally provoke a normally patient Russian people before they rose up in revolution. It was only the pitiful despair of the people that Bolsheviks could organize and lead them into socialism.

A period of a revolutionary romanticism uniting people of various social classes and educational levels swept through Russia right after the revolution. It seemed that the whole country was filled with enthusiasm, joy, and energy. People lived by these new ideals and the idea of creating heaven on earth. It seemed that everyday problems ceased to touch anybody. The grandeur of the idealistic task uniting people and the feeling of a fantastic new freedom intoxicated them.

Most people at that point believed that the revolution had brought them freedom. Being under the influence of propaganda, they thought of themselves as the masters of their fate and the country, probably not unlike the first settlers in America. The difference was that the American pioneers were building their Christian country with the indestructible power of belief in God, whereas the Russian people were rebuilding their country with the pride of belief in their own forces.

One of the most disastrous evils of socialism for the Russian people was the new government's renunciation of Christianity and religion. In mad delusion, Russia proclaimed its new task and goal: to build a "Heaven on Earth" with it's own forces and without God. God was declared an enemy, and religion an evil opiate of the people. Socialist propaganda mocked everything connected with religion and Christianity, convincing people that God was just a "silly fairy tale, a fantasy."

Unfortunately, the majority of the population of Russia was absolutely ready to turn their backs on God and worship the Beast. The Russian intelligentsia, who accepted the revolution and stayed in the country, had been atheistic for the most part even before the revolution. The idea of creating heaven on earth without God was incredibly tempting for their proud minds. Russia rejected Christianity almost as easily as it had been commanded to accept it a thousand year before.

However, this insanity quickly became more than just an ideological fight with a "fairy tale or fantasy." Socialists understood and recognized God and Christianity as threats to socialism. Not content to simply mock religion, they declared war on it. The blood of priests and Christians began streaming, and the temples and the convents were razed. Bibles and the other religious books were destroyed. The few Russians who remained faithful to their beliefs were either killed or banished to Gulags, forced to emigrate to the west, or went underground.

The wholesale massacre of priests and religious people didn't meet any resistance. Too many Orthodox priests over the centuries had shown so much greed, hypocrisy, ignorance, arrogance, and an absence of love towards their flock that very few in Russia respected them or felt sorry for them. So they died, and the potential beauty of the new socialistic state quickly turned almost unimaginably ugly.

If people reject God, then idols occupy His place. The same happened to the Russian people during this time. The idea of world communism became an idol, but the worst of all was that living people began to be worshipped as idols. Lenin, and later Stalin, were almost deified. People were being sacrificed to them, and hymns were being sung in praise of them. They were idolized and worshipped like gods. A new generation of the Soviet people, raised without God, was seeking a god on earth in the form of a human.

One can't say that the Soviet Union was an atheistic state. On the contrary, it was actually a very orthodox religious society worshipping its idols. It was a paradoxical society in which many Christian principles were being preached, but Christ was completely rejected.

At a glance, the theoretical principles of socialism and its moral slogans seemed reasonable. They proclaimed a society of harmony and love, fairness and happiness. But such a society is nothing more than a false utopia. Imperfect, sinful man is not able achieve heaven without God, no matter how much he wishes for it. Sooner or later even the best intentions are distorted and misused, and this happened in Russia. Ideas became more important than people in socialist Russia. The human personality, his will, desire, and freedom was ignored and repressed. All Russian people were obliged to believe in the concept of communism, to serve the beast, and at the same time were expected to be happy. Dissention was punishable by death.

The Russian intelligentsia very soon noticed the fangs and hypocrisy of the beast. Well-educated, cultured people began emerging as a threat. The persecution and destruction of the intelligentsia followed. A new Soviet intelligentsia, which faithfully served the ideas and goals of communism, praising and glorifying the beast and his servants, was created to replace the old one. There were no real alternate choices for those who wanted to survive or be successful in this socialist society. The only solution was to hide their real thoughts and feelings.

Not just the intelligentsia suffered. The Gulags were filled with people of all classes and levels of education. A reason for arrest and banishment could be any reason or no reason at all. It was only sufficient to be accused of being disloyal or voicing disapproval of Stalin to get into life-threatening trouble. The repressions were a way to hold the huge population of Russia in constant fear and abject subordination.

Of course, the free labor supplied by the Gulags was very helpful addition to the economy of the country. However, the semi-free people, i.e., those who weren't in jails and camps, were nothing more than slaves of a socialist country. No one had the right of free movement. People were "chained" to the place of their residence by a "residence permit" (propiska) in their "domestic" passports. Income tax was automatically withheld from the salaries of the workers and was about 80 percent or more. The money they took home was enough only for the most basic necessities. The people were perfectly equal in their lack of freedom and poverty.

The so-called "Period of Melting" began in Russia after Stalin's death. This period saw relatively gentler and freer years in Russia. During Stalin's times of terror, (Stalin's period of history), many common or poor Russian people still believed in the ideas of socialism and just didn't know the truth. But beginning in the '60s, most of the population of the Soviet Union lost all illusions about the society they were living in.

The natural, sharp Russian humor created a million anecdotes describing the attitude of Russians towards their socialist government. They characterized Lenin's period as a ride in the subway -- "there is darkness everywhere and there is a light at the end of the tunnel" -- hope. They characterized Stalin's period as a journey in an old, overcrowded bus without shock absorbers -- someone stands and someone sits (a play on words, the word "sit" in Russian means "to be in jail"), but everyone is shaking. And, finally, they characterized the period after the '60s as a flight on a plane -- "you feel nauseated, but you can't get out."

The iron curtain and the KGB firmly "protected" the population of the Soviet Union from the "pernicious influences of the West" -- the favorite expression of Soviet propagandists during those years. But as a Russian saying warns, "there is no bad without good." In an ironic twist of fate, this iron curtain favorably affected the souls and intellect of most Russian people. An inability to express their thoughts openly made most people deeply contemplate their overall living conditions and seek answers to the questions tormenting them.

The more propaganda attacked religion, the Western way of life, and anti-socialist philosophy, the more interest the Soviet people developed in this forbidden fruit. The period of political and economic stagnation during Brezhnev's times was characterized by the unusual activity and rebirth of the Russian spirit and intellect. Probably, the best post-WWII works of cinema and literature, folklore, and songs were created during that period. Of course, all of this was being created and spread from the underground, but the rewards were worth the risk.

By the 1970's, all television programs, movies, newspapers, and literature in the country were being subjected not only to political censorship, but also censorship of violence, cruelty, graphic sex, and foul language. Here, of course, the censorship was killing any free thought that differed from the state's ideology. But, Russian children were being raised on good books and watching cultured, if boring, TV. The most terrible monster on the screens of the television sets they saw was a folk witch living in the forest, Baba Yaga. The most horrible thriller for them was a story about "Little Red Riding Hood."

The fact that television was boring and had only two to three programs positively affected the spiritual and cultural development of the younger generation. Illiteracy was fully conquered in Russia, public school education was excellent, and Soviet people were known as avid readers. In fact, books have always held in a place of honor in Russia. But now it seemed that the Soviet people were almost addicted to reading. It was possible to meet people reading on public transportation, in cafes, and in parks. Some even read while walking the streets. Books were treasured. Every family had at least a small, but always very good, library. Other arts were treasured as well. Most people had a piano and other musical instruments in the home.

The greatest achievements of socialism were a free education, medical services, and housing. There were no rich people in the country (at least not officially or openly), but there were no very poor people, as well. There were no unemployed, homeless, or destitute people. There was little of the stress familiar to many people in the West, who are fearful of being without a job and medical insurance, or being unable to pay the mortgage. Russian people were confident in the future and comforted that in unforeseen events, the State would take care of their needs. They were not living in the comparatively wealthy Western standards, but they were living stably and peacefully.

The system of social provisions was so well developed that the weakest members of society -- children, the elderly, single mothers, and the disabled -- were protected by the state. They had numerous benefits and privileges. Children got an excellent, free education in school. They were enrolled in sports programs, music and art schools, and spent summers in camps that were almost fully subsidized by the government. Everyone was fed, clothed, and had a roofs over their heads.

So as much as there was no great wealth in the country, there was also no special desire for it, either. The selection of goods in the stores was minimal, and many items were impossible to find. Thus, even if one had money, there was nothing much to spend it on. Such a state of affairs created a rather non-materialistic people. The youth were taught to be romantic, to dream of things big and bright. Practical dreams were considered narrow-minded. I remember the refrain of a popular song at that time which asked young people: "Do you want to go to the Moon?" "Yes!" "Do you want a million?" "No!" This was the mentality of most people.

Still, it is important to not over-romanticize the period. Though everybody had a roof over their heads, the quality of the accommodations was poor and the flats were very small. It was practically impossible to get a separate flat for a young family. Therefore, it was common for two or even three generations to live in a small apartment together. Such a life would probably seem like hell to many, but there were actually some advantages. The families were close, and the grandparents looked after their grandchildren when the parents were working. The syndrome of "an empty nest" was almost unknown in Russia. The grandparents knew it was likely they would live together with their children and grandchildren until the end of their lives. It was a rare occasion when they spent the rest of their lives in a nursery home or in solitude. Such a style of life, with all its drawbacks, brought families closer to each other.

Most Russians wouldn't understand being told that you may only see your parents two or three times a year for big holidays. And that distance (not only in miles but also in spirituality) which often separates children and parents in America would be a strange and unpleasant phenomenon for them.

No matter how poor and simple life has been for them, Russians have always been known for their hospitality. Guests are a joy for Russians. Even during the hardest times, the festive table for guests was fully spread with good food. Typically, in Russian flats, there are no dining or living rooms. Tiny kitchens were and are the place where friends and relatives meet. It is hard to imagine how 10 to 15 persons can fit into a 50 square foot kitchen, and feel comfortable doing so, but it is done. During the repressive times of socialism, those meetings in the kitchens were a real vent as well as islands of freedom for Russians. Everything was discussed at kitchen gatherings -- politics, philosophy, religion, and the future and past of Russia. If these were youth gatherings, then almost always someone amongst the guests played guitar and everyone sang familiar but officially prohibited songs of the dissidents and other famous musicians.

The ideological censorship of "Big Brother" tried to create deaf, mute, and blind people, drones serving the greater good. But as a blind person learns to use touch instead of eyesight, the Soviet people learned to read and express their thoughts without words, allegorically, or by the expression of their eyes and faces. Intelligent people held similar views, and understood each other without words. They easily read between the lines. People were living a double life -- a formal one with a set of slogans and stamps corresponding to the ideology of socialism; and a deep spiritual life which was real, but forcedly hidden. Such conditions were the basis of a new exclusive, emotional, and spiritual intelligence of the Russians, but such a double life was too much for many people.

It is possible to stay underground for several years, but it is difficult to be in such a position for life. Most Russians saw the hypocrisy of the Soviet government and the cruelty of a system in which a person lives as an animal in a zoo -- he is given food and water, but his life and freedom are confined to a small cage. While some were not concerned about such conditions as long as they were clothed, fed, and sheltered, for "thinking" people, such captivity was unbearable.

Male intellectuals were the first to break -- many became alcoholics. The Soviet government even supported them in this in many ways. After all, a drunken man isn't dangerous to the socialist system. And, drunkards also don't need any other amusements -- just a bottle of vodka at a suitable price. The government didn't worry much about women. Women were so occupied both at work and at home that there was no time for them to think about entertainment or politics. Brezhnev's time saw mass inebriation of the men in Russia. The production of alcoholic drinks in the country during those years increased by scores, and even hundreds, compared with earlier times. The sale of vodka and other alcoholic drinks became one of the main sources of income for the State treasury. All the small and large stores in all the territories of the USSR were overflowing with alcoholic drinks being sold with practically no restrictions at any time of the day or night.

By the end of the 1970s it had become difficult to find a young, non-drinking man anywhere in the country. Half of all marriages ended in divorce, and the overwhelming reason for divorce in the USSR was due to husbands' alcoholism. Many couples that remained married did so simply because the women reconciled themselves to the drunkenness of their husbands. It's hardly necessary to note that children were being raised with a distinct lack of paternal care and guidance in such families. A new generation of Russian men without any concept of the responsibilities of a husband and father in the family was being created.

Chapter IX

Perestroika: The Reconstruction

Just when it seemed that the fundamental stagnation of socialism was unshakable, strange events began occurring in the country. One day, all of the programs on radio and television were canceled, and somber, classical "mourning" music was played uninterrupted for three long days. People began worrying and wondering what was going on. Only three days later the news was shared with the population of the USSR; the "patriarch" Brezhnev had died. In the meantime, tank divisions were brought into the capital. The Soviet government wanted to be prepared for any "unforeseen events." But, the Soviet people accepted the news without any emotional reactions.

Yuri Andropov, former head of the KGB, replaced Brezhnev as General Secretary of the Communist Party. He tried to restore a measure of Stalinism to the flavor of the country. But his rule was short. A year later the mourning music appeared again.

After Andropov's funeral, Konstantin Chernenko then headed the country. He was a pawn deprived of any individuality or his own thoughts. When he died exactly a year later, the Russian people coined the anecdote: "At the background of the mourning music the giggling news reporter appeared. He said: 'Please don't laugh, but, this one has died as well.'"

Mikhail Gorbachev, unusually young and energetic for a Soviet ruler, came to power, replacing Chernenko. Gorbachev was remarkably popular in the West. He should be given the credit for starting a process that wound up destroying the empire of the beast. Whether it was his initiative or unintended fate, his name will always be associated with the collapse of socialism in Russia.

Today, many Russians don't like Gorbachev. Those who are glad for the collapse of socialism think that Gorbachev was trying to move from one system to another too slowly. The country was moving from socialism to capitalism, but at a painful crawl. As a result, the whole economy of the country practically collapsed. Those who remember the stagnant days of socialism as the "good old days" also blame Gorbachev for all of their grief.

The end of the 1980s was marked with global changes, both in economics and in the mentality of the Soviet people. When freedom of speech -- "Glasnost" -- was declared, Russians finally gained access to information at a level that they couldn't before have fathomed. Hidden historical and political facts, archives, prohibited books, the Bible, and philosophical works streamed into the Russian marketplace like an endless flood. Even their love for reading, Russians couldn't absorb the powerful stream of information that had fallen on them. The newspapers suddenly started speaking in "human" language, as opposed to the somber, official droning of the Soviet socialists. Masterpieces of journalism appeared. They made people think, suffer, sympathize, and become indignant.

In retrospect, the new influx of information may well have been one contributing reason why the Soviet economy began breaking down. People had no time for work. Everyone was busy reading newspapers and openly discussing the reading material in the workplace. And it was juicy material. After 80 years of "positive" socialist propaganda, journalism during this period of Glasnost became almost exclusively negative and harshly critical. Those who had been blinded regained their eyesight and saw the beast as it was. Finally, people knew the real truth about Lenin, Stalin, and the other socialist leaders. They gained access to troves of new information about their government and about their hidden, double lives. Numerous crimes of the government against their own people and the darkest secrets of socialism were uncovered during these days.

Meanwhile, as the people were enraptured reading newspapers and watching television, the dark forces in the country were not sleeping. The redistribution of property began at about this time. The most valuable properties of socialist state began being privatized. The former and present members of the government, communists and criminals, had become their owners. In fact, to be honest, it has always been difficult to distinguish the criminals from government VIPs in Russia.

Eventually, the massive influx of negative news sparked a wave of depression throughout the land. The old generation of Russians felt that their lives were somehow crossed out; that everything they had believed in was nothing more than an illusion. There was nothing to be proud of or fondly remember. The country became naked in the public eye and lost its pride. The younger, more active generation started asking a reasonable question: "Well, now that we know everything, what's next?"

But very few people knew what to do next. While the young economists and the politicians were debating the future of Russia, the country was being robbed blind. Billions were being rapidly stolen. Everything in Russia was on sale to those from abroad. Dirty criminal money was being laundered. A class of semi-criminals and half-bourgeois -- the "New Russians" -- began appearing in Russia. Most of them made their millions the criminal way. Uneducated, uncultured, rough, and ignorant, they became the objects of hate and disrespect for the majority of the population.

Behind the incredible wealth of the New Russians, the majority of the population of Russia was becoming more impoverished with each passing day. Many social benefits were being destroyed as the basis of a capitalist economy was being instituted. Unprepared for a free market economy, the Russian population was confused, bewildered, and then devastated. Astronomical inflation destroyed all personal savings in the banks. Pensions and other fixed incomes were so small that it was difficult to survive.

The Soviet Union fell like a house of cards in 1991. Independent states had formed, and Boris Yeltsin rose to govern Russia, and Gorbachev remained a president without a country.

By the mid 1990s, the economic situation stabilized for a short period. Hopes for a better life appeared. The larger Russian cities led by Moscow have visibly Westernized since that time. Western style shops, banks, and restaurants have opened. A myriad of new goods and products have appeared. Western and American culture have flooded Russia. Some would consider this progress. Others bemoan the rapid destruction of a traditional way of life.

The youth became the first target and victim of the rapid Westernization. Violence, sexual "freedom," drugs, and pornography filled the country, or at least its big cities. A young and naive generation swallowed the bait without any background to prepare them for the consequences. The only protection for the youth born in the 1980s in Russia was caring parents and a strong family moral foundation. Unfortunately, not everyone had such protection.

Poverty and lack of any perspective made the Russian generation of 1980s and 1990s cynical and aggressive. The new economic crisis that appeared in Russia at the end of 1990s destroyed the little remaining hope of Russians for a good future. Inflation, unemployment, and poverty are the realities of everyday life in contemporary Russia.

But, you shouldn't give up on this long-suffering country. No matter how miserable its present situation, a great and bright future is arising in its innermost depths. It's my personal opinion, but I am sure that Russia has ended its dramatic freefall into chaos. It will take some time for stabilization and then for a revival, but it is beginning to awaken and remember its richest traditions and spiritual values. It is the first sight of a recovery for the nation's spirit.

The Woman You Are Looking For

Now that you have a basic idea of the historical development of Russia, which has so strongly shaped the Russian character, I will give you some advice on how to choose a Russian wife.

If you choose to get acquainted with a very young girl born in the late 1970s or 1980s, then you have a very good chance of getting into trouble. Remember which period she was raised in and what affected her character. Add to this a lack of hope for any good life in modern Russia and the hardest economic conditions, and you will get a portrait of a desperate young woman ready to leave Russia at the first opportunity.

A recent poll of Moscow high school students showed shockingly about half of the girls would like to be prostitutes at an international level. Almost all of them wrote that they were ready to marry any foreigner to leave the country. Those women with disingenuous intentions will not reveal their motives, of course, and many men wind up bringing very large problems into their lives.

If you are seeking a stable and happy marriage, then be very, very careful. Some Russian girls will tell you anything you want to hear. Always keep in mind the unique intuitive ability of Russians. You will never suspect anything until it's too late. Because of a desperate desire to immigrate, some of the girls will be deceiving not only you, but themselves, as well. They think that life in America won't be worse than life in Russia. As a result, you can marry a woman that is absolutely wrong for you, and both of you will be extremely unhappy.

Of course, there are decent, moral traditionalists amongst the 18- to 20-year-old Russian girls, as well. But finding them is more difficult than finding the proverbial needle in a haystack. You will have to conduct a serious investigation in order not to make a mistake. You will have to learn as much as possible about her origins, family, and the place she was raised. It is necessary to know from what cultural sources she was drawing her education, who her role models were, what books she read, what music she listened to, what the quality of relations between her parents was, and even the kind of relationship she has or had with her father. All of these details and more are critically important. It is necessary to have a rather deep knowledge of Russian culture to be able to interpret her answers and make the right conclusions.

It is true of course that if you want to have children in a marriage, then you should choose a wife under 35 years old. However, I should also point out that if you are seeking a woman who is 35 or older, then your chances of finding a traditional wife are much higher. Though generally rejected by shortsighted marriage agencies as unpromising prospects, these women are exactly the ones who present a golden backbone of the traditional Russian women. They have had a rich life experience and good education. They witnessed the enormous changes of Russian society during the past decade through adult eyes. They will be able to appreciate your heart, sincerity of your intentions, and the beauty of your soul. They will become faithful friends, faithful wives, and devoted mothers for your children -- all in one person. There are many, many women of great beauty -- within and without-- in this age group.

But, again, be aware. By no means are all the women of this age group likely to be traditional. You can easily meet career-minded, materialistic women, prostitutes, and swindlers of all stripes among them. I know many cases when formally divorced women were trying to marry foreigners in order to reunite with their Russian husbands in a couple of years.

It is most likely that some of these women are divorced and are mothers to a child or children. If you are ready to adopt a child, then such a choice will bring you many joys. First, your Russian wife will be grateful to you for the caring about her child. Second, she will have a dear person -- her child -- to talk with in Russian and she won't feel so lonely in a foreign country. But having made up your mind to marry a woman with a child, be careful to find out the following:

1.What was the reason for the divorce?

2.What relations does the woman have with her former husband?

3.Will her former husband give permission for the child to emigrate, or will serious problems appear in connection with this?

4.Did the former husband have problems with alcoholism and/or drugs?

5.What is the health/condition of the child? Does he/she have any chronic or hereditary diseases?

6.What is the child's behavior? Does he/she have any symptoms of hyperactivity or act spoiled?

7.What are your future wife's attitudes about discipline? Does she think that a father should be an authority figure in the family?

I can tell you many stories about how suitable couples broke up because of problems with children from their previous marriages. Russian women are noted for their care and self-sacrifice when it comes to their children. As a rule, they are wonderful mothers who give generously their love, time, and care for children. However, sometimes their love becomes excessive and they may spoil their children or almost worship them. It happens most often if a child is sick or if a child's father has abandoned him/her. Be mindful of this as you begin contacting women with children.

The good news is that in most cases Russian children and teenagers from solid, traditional families are much more well-behaved and respectful than those of their peers in America. In traditional Russian families problems with wild adolescents are remarkably infrequent. It seems to me that here in the West parents accept their teenagers' wild, disrespectful behavior, thinking that it is natural for their age. In the meantime, young Russians of 14 to 16 years can be absolutely responsible for and control their behavior.

If you have teenagers who live with you or who visit you often, that's one more reason for a serious conversation with your future wife. Usually, Russian women are very positive about becoming a second mother, and more than just a stepmother to them. But Russian women very often have no idea about the often-troubling characters of American teenagers, nor do they understand the culture and its troublesome aspects. It is likely that the typical behavior of American teenagers may well shock your future wife. She won't be able to calmly accept the things that many American parents simply ignore -- free sexual relations, the noisy company of strange young people, alcohol, tattoos, wild fashion, loud music and independence without responsibility. Such behavior will worry and depress her. If you have teenagers who behave like this, I urge you to tell the woman you are corresponding with about the problem from the very beginning. If it doesn't scare her, she will be morally prepared for what is expected of her in your family.

As I've said before, traditional Russian women can't imagine their lives and families without children. A conscious sacrifice of motherhood is so atypical for Russian women that it is considered an abnormality. Many Russian women aspire to get married very early and bear children as soon as possible. A 25- to 26-year-old girl who hasn't yet been married is considered almost an old maid. Of course, the attitude towards this is different in different regions of the country. In the big cities of Russia it is possible to meet women of 30 and older who have never been married and have no kids. It is much more difficult to meet such women in provincial areas.

Some Russian women choose to be childless only because they haven't found a suitable husband among Russian men. The idea of being a single mother doesn't satisfy them. Many of them dream of a full-fledged family and children. A big delusion of many Western men is the dream of finding a childless Russian woman who will consciously refuse motherhood. Men who were once married and raised their own children are especially hopeful of finding such women. They selfishly suppose that they will be able to replace the Russian woman's holy happiness of motherhood with their care, stable life, and opportunity to travel. Your chance of finding a traditional Russian woman who is childless and wishes to remain so is negligible.

This is an important point, so I state it again. A truly traditional Russian woman who tells you that she really doesn't want children is either deceiving you or deceiving herself. Sooner or later, she will want to have children and raise a family; it's nearly guaranteed. If you marry one that tells you otherwise, then in the end, you will be forced to make concessions or agree to a divorce. The only alternative may be a marriage with a woman who has a child from a previous marriage. She will have raised a child once, and may be satisfied with that. If you don't want to burden yourself with the care of small children, you will need to find a woman with children who are themselves adult or nearly adult.

One more point you will want to pay your attention to are the relatives of your future wife. The family connections of Russians are very strong. You should plan for future communications with her relatives in advance so that she doesn't feel isolated from her home and family, and you should also discuss the opportunities for her to take trips to Russia after the marriage. The best and least expensive means of communication with her relatives will be a computer and e-mail. If you have an opportunity to buy an inexpensive computer in Russia, present it to her family. They will be thrilled. And your future wife will be able to stay in touch with her loved ones.

Also find out in advance about her financial relations with her parents and other relatives. Your future wife may be the only breadwinner in her family. In this case, you should settle the matter of material help for her parents when she moves to the West. Often an amount as small as $100 per month is enough to help her parents.

The single most important thing to keep always in the forefront of your mind is that immigration is never easy and never painless. Your wife will be making momentous changes in her life. Besides the isolation from her motherland, culture, language, and family, she may experience much stress from the fact that she will become absolutely dependent on you for quite some time. Adjusting to life in the West will take time and patience on both your parts. It is necessary to prepare well in advance and consider everything possible so that it passes as painlessly as possible.

Chapter XI

This Mysterious Russian Soul and Character

If you are lucky enough to meet a real traditional Russian woman and marry her, then you will find out very soon how her character and inner world differs from all the women you know before. First of all, you will be impressed by her femininity, unselfishness, and desire to devote all her life to you and the family. Having typically received very little care and attention from Russian men, a Russian women will eagerly throw herself into her role as a homemaker, wife, and mother when treated with loving care by her western husband.

Almost all Americans married to traditional Russian women complain only about one thing -- the wonderful cooking talents of their wives, who "stuff them to the gills." Russian food is very tasty, but very high in calories and fat. Just for comparison, a Russian meal can consist of as much as 3000 calories. Try tactfully to explain to your Russian wife the differences in the traditions of cooking and eating between Russia and America from the very beginning. Also, if you invite relatives and guests over, your Russian wife will undoubtedly try to serve a traditional Russian table for them full of various dishes. I've already written about the hospitality of the Russians. It's unthinkable for a Russian woman to treat guests only to Coca-Cola and salted nuts. All the best that is in the house will be offered for them.

If you marry a Russian woman, then it is possible that her education will be better than even your own. Doubtless, she will be very well-read. She was raised on the masterpieces of Russian classical literature since childhood. She studied Dostoevskiy and Tolstoy in elementary and middle schools and the classics of foreign literature in the senior grades. Russian women are used to a very refined Russian poetry, and they understand it very well. So be careful and selective if you devote your own poems or other literary works to her! It is also very likely that your Russian wife will understand art and music very well. Even if she can't play any musical instruments, she has good taste in music and a deep understanding of the beautiful aspects of culture and the arts.

American "pop-culture," including "soap operas" and Hollywood movies, will likely attract her attention initially. But she will soon tired of it. Her richly-developed inner world will need real food, not junk food, which has no nutritional value. Good books will help appease her spiritual hunger. There are many stores throughout America that sell Russian books. You can find them on the Internet and order books for your wife. You can also get videos of ballets, operas music and movies. These will more likely make her happy than mid-day television entertainment.

And if you have any space to have a garden by your house or condo, then your Russian wife will probably be thrilled to be able to grow flowers and vegetables there. Her "green thumbs" will pleasantly surprise you.

Raised on European culture, Russian women, as a rule, have wonderful tastes. For the longest time, Western propaganda portrayed Russian women as large, hulking bears with kerchief-wrapped heads and felt boots. Yes, under the influence of the unrelenting hard conditions of life, and because of a lack of all the necessary things, many older Russian women can develop some rather hard countenances. They are content with the smallest comforts and absolutely forget about themselves. As they say in Russia, they "put a cross" on themselves. However, young Russian women understand European fashion very well and typically dress with taste and elegance.

After arriving in the U.S., all of them, with almost no exception, are shocked by how most Americans dress. They don't understand how it is possible to walk into a store barefoot or without a shirt, or wear a formless T-shirt and shorts, a striped skirt with a dotted blouse, and so on.

Traditional Russian women are very intuitive. They can read the feelings and the thoughts of others through gut feelings and the knowledge of "body language." During Russian history, including the epoch of communism, Russian people were taught not to show their emotions. They were taught to manage their own feelings and to keep them under control. Traditional Russian women think it indecent to shout, to squeal, to create hysterics, to break dishes, or to use foul language. They consider such behavior to be very bad manners and evidence of bad upbringing.

You can offend your Russian wife by a sharp tone of voice or by using foul language in her presence. You can understandably insult her if you point out her financial dependence on you or the fact that you "made her happy" by taking her away from the poor conditions in Russia. Many Russian women are known for their sensitivities. They may cry if you yell at them or use rude or harsh words or tones. Fortunately, they are forgiving, and famous for their patience. They usually move their sensitivity inside themselves, and try not to show their worries and pain.

But the patience of the Russians is not endless. I want you to pay special attention to this: The hidden negative emotions and the insulated feelings accumulate. You cannot treat your wife with disrespect time and again and expect no consequences. When the level of emotions reaches a critical point, an explosion can take place. Sometimes it is a real explosion that will leave you with no question that you've pushed too far. But, it more often happens quietly, and might not even be noticed. You may ignore the quiet tears of your wife for many years and not pay attention to the fact that your behavior brings her pain and humiliation. You may decide that her patience and love is boundless. But if you do, you will certainly wake up one day to the realization that you've lost her forever. She will close her heart and soul to you and won't allow you to hurt her any further. Even if she doesn't leave you she will become a stranger to you. And you won't be able to get her back. If you can't control your anger and language, then probably a marriage with a Russian wife is not the best choice for you or for her.

No matter how sensitive Russian women are, they possess a strong character and will. She can and will leave you if you constantly offend her either physically or emotionally. But on the other hand, she will never leave you if you are in trouble. Even if you were wrong and cruel to her, she will stay with you in the hardest period of your life if she feels that you need her help and support. Her devotion and fidelity to her husband and family is legendary.

A Russian woman feels a special interest in a man who came through a hard life and who suffered a lot. A successful person who doesn't know any pain and deprivation causes suspicions in her. Traditionally, an absolutely successful person can be associated with spiritual emptiness and selfishness in the Russian consciousness. If you want a Russian woman to become interested in you, don't try to speak only about your success. Show her that you know how the heart aches and that you've lived through rough times in life.

"Excessive" financial and personal well-being can even scare a traditional Russian woman. Subconsciously, she is choosing a man with whom her life won't be always easy and will demand some self-sacrifice and suffering on her part. Probably in Western psychology it is called "victim behavior" or low self-esteem. But for Russians, it has deep spiritual roots. Russia is rich with the names of the people who voluntary refused the earth's well-being and doomed themselves to suffering for the sake of some idea. There are countless examples in all walks of life: Christian-hermits, writers, and philosophers. Count Leo Tolstoy, the author of War and Peace , rejected his privileged position and wealth and chose the life of a mere peasant.

Under communism, the Soviets planned nearly everything for their citizens. Now that the people are free, it is still just about impossible to plan anything very well considering the present instabilities of life. So be aware that Russians don't have any experience in planning their lives, or even their own day-to-day budgets. Be patient. It will take time to explain to your Russian wife the basics of budgeting, banking, the credit system, and so on. You will especially need much patience in explaining to your wife the issue of insurance in case of disability and death. Russians do not want even like to think about such things.

Material dreams and plans are boring and shallow to a woman of traditional Russian character. If you tell your Russian wife that you dream of working 12 hours a day to be able to retire at 40, or that your dream is to pay the mortgage off on the house in 15 years rather than in 30, she can grow visibly bored. In general, the Russian character is much more romantic and dreamy than the American one. This is probably due to the fact that reality in Russia has never been sweet; people understand that they will not likely reach their desired happiness in real life. So, they escape in dreams.

The Russian people are not spoiled with well-being. They treasure the things that are free in life and cannot be bought -- friendship, love, and spirituality. If you ask what a traditional Russian woman is dreaming about, she will certainly tell you love and a happy family life. And it won't even come into her head to dream that her man should have a big house in a prestigious neighborhood, a flashy car, and a high social position. Give her a choice between two men -- one wealthy but devoid of spirit, one poor but possessing all the best human qualities -- she will choose the second without hesitation. Probably this reveals some impracticality and idealism of Russians. But, what can be more valuable than a pure human heart and soul?

Russians possess a great sense of curiosity. Life in other countries and other cultures interest them immensely. They treat people of other nationalities with great respect. Russians have always honored and loved foreigners. Most Russians are cosmopolitan, treating their own country and government very critically. They love nothing more than being able to interact with people of other cultures and share ideas. What would you do if you happened to come into extra money? Would you put it in the bank, buy stocks, put it away into a pension fund? Whatever you choose, most likely your reply would be practical and reasonable. But 99 of 100 traditional Russian women would reply to the same question that they would go traveling, most likely to Europe, to Paris. Traveling is one of the most secret passions of Russians. Very few of them ever get such an opportunity, but they all dream about it.

In the days of the USSR, only select people used to be able to travel abroad due to the iron curtain. The majority of the population had to content themselves with traveling within the country. But as the USSR was a huge nation incorporating many cultures, nationalities, and histories, traveling even around the country was a captivating experience. Ironically, now that the borders of Russia have opened, the greater part of the population can't afford to travel. Given a chance, Russians would sacrifice just about everything to be able to see the world with their own eyes.

Westerners often imagine the Russians as closed, unsmiling, and cold. Although an open expression of emotions is considered bad manners in Russia, the Russian character is known for its passion. It seems that the Russians can't do anything halfway. If they have fun, they do it furiously. If they drink, they get dead drunk. If they are friends, they are friends for life. If they love, they love like their heads and hearts are caught in a maelstrom.

The national character often finds an expression in folk dances and songs. Look at the incendiary Russian dances -- they reflect a real Russian temperament -- bold, indefatigable, and coming from the heart. Compare this with the distinct individualism found in so many Americans. They surround themselves with an invisible wall and don't allow even the closest people in their lives to pass through it. Even in family relations and close friendships, Americans, as a rule, leave themselves some extra privacy. Russians can't do the same. There is not even a word in the Russian language for "privacy." Their hearts and souls are opened wide. And very often they suffer because of their openness and naivete. They use an expression that at such moments their soul turns into a "a live wound." It is a very accurate description, as it is very easy to wound the Russian soul because of its accessibility and sensitivity. A relationship with a traditional Russian woman will require an investment of emotions and feelings, and a large amount of respect. Be certain that you are up to the task before you decide to marry a Russian woman.

Chapter XII

Russians and Religion

I am often asked if it is true that the majority of Russians are Christian believers. After all, that is the claim that nearly all Russian girls make in their ads and letters. I'm afraid I must disappoint you -- it is not the truth. More than seventy years of official atheism bore its unfortunate fruit -- too many Russians lost their faith and now know nothing about Christianity. To be sure, it has now become somewhat fashionable to call oneself a Christian, go to Church, and observe religious rituals. But I personally know very few Russians who read the Gospel (and more importantly understand and accept it) and who have a clear idea of what Christianity is truly about.

For one thing, the Russian Orthodox Church pays far more attention to following rituals and customs than it does to explaining the Gospel and Christianity to the members of its churches. One Orthodox priest once summed this position up nicely: "Faith is faith. There is nothing to understand in it. You just have to believe without asking." I personally was never able to understand and accept meek obedience to rituals and prayers performed in an arcane Slavic language. Neither could I accept that one must obey God strictly out of fear.

The faith of many Russian Christians shows itself instead as the philosophical acceptance of God as the Supreme Mind. They interpret Christianity as an idealistic philosophy, and view Jesus Christ as a teacher and propagandist of this philosophy. I know very few Russians who have a profound understanding of the idea of Salvation and the real mission and sacrifice of Jesus. Very few Russians would understand what does it mean to be a born-again Christian.

Thus, there is a significant difference between Orthodox and Protestant mentalities, and this is amplified in their philosophies. The essence of the Orthodox philosophy is that life is nothing but suffering, and real happiness begins in Heaven. The main Orthodox holiday is Easter, not Christmas. Joy and successes in earthly life are considered wrong and even evil. Suffering, endless patience, and hardships are praised and respected. The Orthodox Church takes the words of John extremely literally: " Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him" (John 2:15). Meekness, passivity and a departure from reality are considered virtues of character. (Why even try if it won't be better in any case?)

According to Orthodox ideology, a human being is insignificant, a slave of God, insubstantial. Protestants, on the other hand, think that every human holds great value in the eyes of God. He gave His life for us. Would he make such a sacrifice for an insignificant creature? The Lord suffered for man to be happy and fulfilled in this life as well as the next, not to be miserable. This is, at least, my understanding of the case. So be aware that bringing an Orthodox Russian to the U.S. and getting her to view Christianity through Protestant eyes will take time.

It's equally important to note that even if a Russian woman grew up in an atheistic family and knows nothing about Christianity and Orthodox philosophy, the millennial monopoly of the Orthodox faith in Russia will undoubtedly have still influenced her character. It will have penetrated her soul and thoughts from the best works of Russian literature, music, and art, and will be a part of her. Perhaps this is the origin of that eternal sorrow in the beautiful Russian eyes. At any rate, keep this fact in mind as you search for your bride.

Even if they are not believers, Russians are usually very spiritual. Their hearts are yearning and they are subconsciously seeking God. Russia is a vast country with unlimited opportunities for missionaries, if that is your wish. Your marriage with a spiritually rich and God-seeking Russian woman may well become something of a missionary venture as well. But if you want this to succeed, you will need patience, understanding, and a true knowledge of the Russian culture and tradition.

It may take time before the Russian woman opens her heart to God. Even if she considers herself a believer, her faith is likely to be distant and shy. At first it will be difficult for her to get accustomed to praying aloud, to reading the Bible together with you, to becoming an active member in your Church. Give her time to get acquainted with all that, and be delicate and patient.

Pay special attention to how the priest and members of your Church treat your wife. Do not allow them to be too zealous and pushy in attempting to convert her into your faith. Any such pressure will only drive her farther from God. Remember that the main thing is delicacy, consideration, and endless patience. In the end, all this will pay for itself in full. A traditional Russian woman who sincerely accepts God will be the embodiment of Christian virtue and the spiritual core of your family.

Chapter XIII

Is there Sex in Russia?

When many years ago Phil Donahue held his first talk show with an American and Soviet audience, one of the elderly women participating in the show stood up and declared with pride, "There is no sex in the USSR!" These words took a life of their own, and after the roaring laughter and jokes died down, many people started seriously asking whether there really was any sex in the USSR.

Obviously, it was not the case that Soviet citizens did without any sex at all. But what was taking place in Soviet bedrooms could hardly be described as sex in the Western understanding of the word.

It is important to make clear first that Soviet people did not have any bedrooms -- at least the majority of population. At best, couples slept in one of two or three communal rooms, without any privacy at all. Many more lived and slept in the same room with their children and/or elderly parents.

Since grown-up children lived as a rule with their parents, it was almost impossible to have a "trial" marriage in Russia. Of course some people still engaged in premarital sexual relations, but it was sex in a hurry, in the most inconvenient and inappropriate places.

An amorous couple couldn't even find respite in a hotel room for an evening. The hotel and motel business was badly underdeveloped. Hotels did not have enough rooms even for visitors from other cities, much less local couples in search of privacy. Besides, they allowed only registered couples to stay in the same room. A marriage certificate was required when renting a room.

Other roadblocks included the official puritanical policy of the socialist government regarding sex, a complete lack of information about sexual relations and contraceptives, and rampant alcoholism, abusiveness, and selfishness among Russian men. Donahue's guest was probably right -- there was no sex in the USSR.

Even before the Revolution, Russia had been a puritanical country on the question of sex. In the lower classes, sex had only one function -- conception and the birth of a child. Only the Russian Orthodox Church did not sanction that kind of sex. While sex for the sake of pleasure, even between married couples, was not openly denounced as a sin, it was highly discouraged. Abstention from sexual relations has always been considered a virtue in the Orthodox philosophy. There are many days in the Orthodox calendar when sexual relations are not permitted. Monasticism and hermitage were widespread. Sexual chastity was considered fundamental to human purity. Small wonder that with such an attitude, virginity was observed and honored. If a girl lost her virginity before marriage, or gave birth to an unwed child, she was guaranteed a miserable and disgraced existence. Such girls often committed suicide, preferring death to eternal shame.

Russians' history of chastity in sexual relations finds its expression in the Russian language. In it, there are no proper words to describe sexual intercourse and other aspects of sexual relations. There are either obscenities or clinical terms -- nothing in between. Even highly educated people in past centuries used the much richer and more figurative French language when discussing intimate relations. "Goodness! How can we say this in Russian?" they wondered.

Thus it became a custom -- talking about sex was called talking "about this." And with this tradition, talking about sex has not been considered a proper topic of open conversation in Russia. Even now traditional girls feel awkward when they have to discuss such -- as they call them -- "ticklish" subjects.

Noble Russians, especially those who were close to a royal court, had a different attitude towards sex. They were under the heavy influence of European -- mostly French and German -- culture and morality. Tsars and their favorites were famous for their corrupt morals and numerous affairs. In Russian upper classes double morality dominated. Boys from noble families typically began active sexual lives during their teenage years. Often their experience began with young enslaved peasant girls who belonged to the family and were obliged to satisfy the whims of the young lord. The young lord's parents closed their eyes to the "pranks" of their "child" and did not consider such behavior improper.

Later, during study at the University or service in the army, young noblemen enjoyed themselves with gypsies and prostitutes. Only after reaching 30 -- or older -- did they feel that they had sown their wild oats and had their fill of the bachelor's life. And thus came the period of looking for a decent wife from upper classes. But even though Russian men from noble society almost never married before the age of 30, they generally chose their brides among girls who were only 16-18 years old. A 24-25 year old girl was considered in Russia a spinster. This tradition still exists in some provincial Russian towns and villages.

In the old days, as soon as a girl reached the age of 14-15, her parents began an active search for a potential husband for her. Sometimes young people were engaged in childhood. According to the Russian traditions, parents were supposed to give their daughter a dowry. The richer the dowry, the more chances she had to find a worthy husband. Girls without a dowry, however beautiful and smart they were, often remained spinsters. There is a simple reason for this. According to Russian law, all noblemen had to serve their country as military officers for several years, and many of them were killed during wars and conflicts. So noble, young, single men were always in deficit in Russia. There were always several young noble brides for one noble gentleman to choose from.

Perhaps stemming from those times, a code of behavior began to take shape. Like in Victorian times in America, noble Russian women were supposed to behave like ladies. Open displays of emotions and sexuality were considered attributes of lower class in a woman. A lady was supposed to be always reserved, meek, submissive to the will of the husband, and immaculately faithful. Russian society developed stereotypes of good and bad women -- "Madonna" and "prostitute" -- which took firm root.

About the time of the October Revolution, a sexual revolution also took place. It first spread among students and the bohemian class. Feminists and other liberal women helped spread the fire. The most "advanced" women of Russia were fond of the idea of sex as a purely physiological need, the so-called "theory of a glass of water" (the desire of sex was believed to be similar to a physiological thirst, which needed to be satisfied instantly). Traditional marriage came to be considered a bourgeois prejudice.

After the victory of socialism in Russia, the puritanical communists suppressed the sexual revolution. According to the "Moral Code of Communism Builders," sex and romance once again were transferred to the bottom of people's vital needs. For married "comrades" it was something condoned, but not discussed.

In recent years a new sexual revolution has been rapidly developing in Russia. As in any revolution, the first thing it did was to attack and undermine old morals. Young people became its first victim, as an "anything goes" attitude has become more and more commonplace throughout the country. The good news is that the truly traditional Russian women have remained free of the destructive influence of this "revolution." It seems that the heart of the traditional woman only becomes stronger and purer under the pressure of temptation.

So, what then is the attitude toward sex of traditional Russian women? For them, physical intimacy with a man is the highest stage of spiritual closeness. In no way do they view sex as a base, physiological act. As with so many other aspects of their character, they think first of the feelings and needs of the man. Personal pleasure ranks second for them. Not particularly experienced in sex, they do not expect any super performances from their partners. In frank terms, they are not concerned with the amount of orgasms they achieve, and most would not even know that there are four distinct types of orgasms possible for them to have.

They are natural in their love and do not view sex as a sport or achievement. Men are very comfortable and confident with them. Traditional women value tenderness, caressing, touching, and hugging much more that the sexual intercourse itself. In traditional Russian culture it is not common to express one's feelings in public, for example, to kiss in the presence of other people, hug in public, or stroke the partner on the back. But, it does not mean that such caresses and endearments are something strange for Russian women. They are just modest and well-mannered, and prefer that the relations between two people should be really intimate and closed from other people's eyes.

That is why, when making an acquaintance with a traditional woman, you must be a gentleman. Do not try to initiate intimate relations with her on the first evening of your acquaintance, or soon after. Do not embarrass her and touch her in public. She may not refuse you if she already loves you, but her upbringing and morality will ensure that she will be uncomfortable with your behavior. Show her respect and patience. The more you do, the more appreciative and grateful she will be.

Russian men can sometimes be egotistical and primitive in their approach to sex, and do not think much of the feelings of their partners and wives. That is why, for most Russian women, their experiences with men have left negative feelings and humiliation. Unfortunately, many of them begin to think that intimate relations with men always result in pain, suffering, and the sacrifice of their own dignity. It's your job to prove to her that there are still gentlemen in the world who understand how to treat a lady. A woman will be pleasantly surprised at your Western manners and delicacy in intimate matters.

Most likely you will be her first real man, even if you marry a divorced woman with children. If you give her the time she needs, she will learn to feel confident in your arms, and will open her true passionate and gentle nature for you.

Sexual harmony is much more based on spiritual and mentally harmony than you may think. It is a combination of emotions, spirituality, and mind. Without these, sex is little more than animalistic pairing. Traditional Russian women believe that one has to come to intimacy gradually. One cannot skip one or two stages in the development of relations. First, souls have to come to unity; then, minds; and only then, -- bodies.

As for Russian women themselves, they have such strong intuition and "internal vision" that they can love a man just for his soul and heart. That it spiritual love, and it is the highest love that one could hope to achieve. The traditional Russian woman who will love you will not love you for your bedroom eyes, your sexy butt, or your strong physique. She will love you for who you are, unconditionally. She will help you to see yourself in a different way -- the way you were conceived and made by our Creator. This love will purify and ennoble you, and you will understand the magic that a traditional Russian woman can bring to your life.

by Alla Bereshkova